How losing your mind really feels.

I’m not sure if I can explain this to anyone, since I really don’t understand it myself.  But here I go…. I’ll do my best.

Losing your mind is essentially losing control of your mind.  Of course you didn’t lose your mind by dropping it the last time you took a stroll on the beach.

You ultimately fell down the wormhole.  You think you’ll hit bottom at some point but you don’t.  You never will.  Because you were never falling in the first place.

You are no longer the master of your thoughts.  You are at the mercy of the universe.  The elements around you and what they choose to inflict upon you at any given moment.

What you thought you knew becomes a question of, “was this real?”  You have to discern every thought, every sensation from fact or fiction.

But…since you no longer control your thoughts…..

 

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Some of the best lessons are learned in the oddest places.

Yesterday I was doing some cleaning and I found a rouge piece of Halloween candy in a boot.  It was a blue salt water taffy, and my mouth watered just looking at it.

So I picked it up only to find that it was cold and hard, due to having resided near the drafty front door for the last two months.  I would not be discouraged, however, because as a woman I happen to possess two portable heaters.  So I stuffed it in my bra and continued my cleaning.

Fast forward to this morning.  It had been a long night and when I finally crashed, I crashed hard, only to be woken early by a holiday gift from Aunt  Flo; Christmas cramps.

I stumble my way to the coffee pot to get my liquid life support brewing, and head to the bathroom to sit on the “thinking chair” and wait for my advil to kick in.

As I sit with my head rested on the sink,  waiting for the pain and agony to subside, I catch a glimpse of blue and remember that mouth watering taffy.  For a moment the pain disappears, as my thoughts are filled with sweet deliciousness.

My spirit is lifted as I grasp the now perfectly warm and gooey piece of blue perfection.  Nearly giddy with excitement as I start to unwrap it…….

The unthinkable happens.  I drop it.  In movie quality slow motion, my hands fumble awkwardly trying to catch it as it swirls downward like water being drained from a bathtub. My efforts in vain, I let out a defeated howl as my savory blue morsel disappears between my legs and hits the water with a splash.

My heart sinks along with my piece of blue salt water taffy.  I rest my head on the sink once more and take a moment of silence as the pain again takes over.

It’s going to be a long day.

However, in our brief time together, I learned two things.

1. Saving something for later isn’t always the best open, because you could end up with less than you started with.

2.  Enjoy the little things, but enjoy them now, because they might not be around tomorrow.

Happy holidays, everyone.